Lindy West! Here is a totally intrusive question that I, an internet stranger, am not entitled to have answered, but that still desperately haunts the recesses of my mind. Do we (the queers) get to claim you as canonically queer? If no, do we still get to uphold you as a queer icon in the vein of Betty White and Laura Dern and/or create a votive candle of you to house amongst our myriad houseplants and cats? You are amazing and this is amazing. Thank you for existing.
Hahaha, yes! You can have me! I want to be cautious and sensitive about claiming an identity that is a safe haven for the most vulnerable, but it is definitely true that my romantic and sexual life is no longer strictly heterosexual!
While I don’t identify as queer, I DO identify as a HUGE @lindywest fan, and LOVE the idea of a Lindy votive candle! I think you’re really into something here!
I have no questions except to wonder why on EARTH you three had to sit on those supremely uncomfortable-looking tall-ass unpadded stools for FOUR HOURS?? Could they not afford a loveseat? Even some second-hand bean bag chairs?
Same! Give the folx willing to be so brave and vulnerable CUSHIONS! Give 'um a place to REST! Though maybe then it would take more effort to stand up to remove an article of clothing. I want to understand the artistic choice.
Yes! All of the comments about the body language, all I could think was ‘no, I’m pretty sure it’s just discomfort with the worlds most uncomfortable chair’
hi lindy longtime reader first time commenter - just seems wild to me that three people who are all so hot and smart and cool found each other - did you have to do a deal with satan at the train tracks to make this magic happen or
First time commenter, huge fan, and your private life is none of my business. My question is: after so many years of facing this sort of contemptuous shitstorm, how do you nurture yourself when something like this happens? How do you care for your body and your heart? I hope you find time to remind yourself that you owe no one an explanation, not your readers, not your partners- that the work you do in the world is good, and you are deservedly successful because of your talents, and you’re a woman who takes up space, and that’s the only reason they treat you like this.
It’s a reason, but it’s not an excuse. It is wrong of them to do this, and it’s not fair, and you should not be having to deal with any of it. You’re way too fucking busy (and, as Dorothy Parker put it, vice versa).
I’m boring and I don’t have a question, I just wanted to thank you for sharing and say that I’m glad you’re happy! I love Butt News (well I love everything you write) and am happy to see it in my inbox on whatever kind of schedule suits you. Also Barry content is always appreciated! (I know, that’s IG, but whatever.)
Hi, I'm curious about how you fell in love with Roya - what I mean is, what if you had met her and just didn't hit it off at all? Falling in love (for me) is so rare, what are the odds of you and your husband both falling for the same person? Had you been in love with women before? Had you and Aham discussed what might happen in that case? Keep the marriage open and just not enter a three-way relationship, or would it have increased pressure on things? Wow I wrote a lot of questions - but the interview was extremely thought provoking. And I hope that I don't come across as judgemental - I think you're really brave for being so open about this and am just genuinely curious.
GREAT QUESTION IT FELT LIKE A MIRACLE AND STILL DOES! But I will say that I always liked Roya, just from the way Aham talked about her and in our text and phone conversations prior to meeting, and as soon as we met it just felt easy and right. We had a lot of mutual respect for each other already. If we hadn't felt a romantic connection, we still would have been instant friends, and the relationship structure would have been a "V" instead of a triangle. I don't know how that would have played out longterm, but we would have figured it out!
I'm in a V, and my metamour and I are very good friends, but only friends. Sometimes it works out romantically for people, sometimes people just like hanging out.
Obviously I'm not Lindy but I think love isn't always like getting struck by lightning--sometimes it grows over time or sneaks up on you. So it doesn't always have to be like "whoa what a coincidence!" but rather "wait I thought we were friends and then BFFs and now maybe I wanna kiss you whoa" (source: friends-to-lovers trope in lesbian romantic fiction) ;)
I actually really avoided talking about it until Aham forced the issue! I was never opposed to nonmonogamy conceptually--the idea always made sense to me--but it was scary in practice, almost impossible with the self-esteem issues I was battling. By far the most important step in this process (for me) was me working really really hard with my therapist to overcome my insecurities and recover my sense of self. I had to get the point where I DIDN'T feel like I would die without this relationship in order to figure out what I actually wanted. Which turned out to be this!
No questions, but you are so goddamn funny and smart, your writing literally NEVER fails to make me lol, and more importantly, think about things in new ways. As a very white, hetero gen-x woman in a very traditional/monogamous marriage, when I first watched the video I was thinking hmmm, seems weird. I followed your IG stories and posts for a few days while all the madness was happening and you had such grace and humor, such love and passion, it was amazing. I’ve always believed consenting adults can do whatever makes them happy, and your willingness, along with your partners, to talk about your relationship was so generous and really brave, I’m just in awe. You all made me think more deeply about my notions of monogamy, the fact that it’s the default, and how it’s all tied up with sexism, misogyny, patriarchy, racism, capitalism, and how we are conditioned to recoil from anything outside the “norm.” And who does that serve?? Anyway, thank you all for sharing your lives with the rabid masses. xoxo
Lindy! My all time hero. I know there doesn’t have to be “rules”, but is Roya also able to have other partners? Especially considering she lives elsewhere (would you all ever consider living together?). Additionally, are you able to have a partner outside of Aham/Roya? Or is this a committed throuple vibe? What do I know! You’re amazing. I hope you are happy as a clam! ✨💖
Everyone is autonomous and can do what makes them happy as long as it is safe and respectful to everyone else! That said, we're really settling in as a closed triad for now. We would definitely consider living together!
No question, just major appreciation and respect for all three of you. Coming out is hard enough when the entire internet doesn't already feel entitled to opine on every aspect of your life. Also-- congratulations! It's exciting and wonderful to live your most authentic life and let that happiness and contentment ooze into everything you do and are. ♡
Hi! Are women more thoughtful in relationships? Is it so awesome to be with a woman? I always suspected YES but I’m straight. Is it a relief to be with someone socialized to think of others’ feelings? No shade to your husband lol.
As a poly person who is usually pretty quiet about it simply because people like the turkeys in your YouTube comments are EVERYWHERE, I just wanna say thanks for doing that interview! So refreshing to see, and I know I am far from the only one who was super happy to see such a positive, open, thoughtful discussion on the poly life. I hope everyone weirdly obsessed with dissecting "body language" in those comments steps on a Lego soon lol.
Like many other people, I don’t have a question, just endless, endless praise. You are so fucking cool and funny and brilliant and beautiful????????? And your partners are so very lucky that they get to love you.
Lindy West! Here is a totally intrusive question that I, an internet stranger, am not entitled to have answered, but that still desperately haunts the recesses of my mind. Do we (the queers) get to claim you as canonically queer? If no, do we still get to uphold you as a queer icon in the vein of Betty White and Laura Dern and/or create a votive candle of you to house amongst our myriad houseplants and cats? You are amazing and this is amazing. Thank you for existing.
Hahaha, yes! You can have me! I want to be cautious and sensitive about claiming an identity that is a safe haven for the most vulnerable, but it is definitely true that my romantic and sexual life is no longer strictly heterosexual!
CAN'T STOP SHRIEKING, THIS IS MY SUPER BOWL. Brb, gotta go make a bunch of candles.
While I don’t identify as queer, I DO identify as a HUGE @lindywest fan, and LOVE the idea of a Lindy votive candle! I think you’re really into something here!
I'll totally buy a Butt New candle.
I have no questions except to wonder why on EARTH you three had to sit on those supremely uncomfortable-looking tall-ass unpadded stools for FOUR HOURS?? Could they not afford a loveseat? Even some second-hand bean bag chairs?
LOL it was not great
This is the only question I can think of also.
Same! Give the folx willing to be so brave and vulnerable CUSHIONS! Give 'um a place to REST! Though maybe then it would take more effort to stand up to remove an article of clothing. I want to understand the artistic choice.
Yes! All of the comments about the body language, all I could think was ‘no, I’m pretty sure it’s just discomfort with the worlds most uncomfortable chair’
Truly, even some lil cushions!!
This bothered me endlessly too!
hi lindy longtime reader first time commenter - just seems wild to me that three people who are all so hot and smart and cool found each other - did you have to do a deal with satan at the train tracks to make this magic happen or
Satan paid ME to do it bc we are so hot!!!!!!
First time commenter, huge fan, and your private life is none of my business. My question is: after so many years of facing this sort of contemptuous shitstorm, how do you nurture yourself when something like this happens? How do you care for your body and your heart? I hope you find time to remind yourself that you owe no one an explanation, not your readers, not your partners- that the work you do in the world is good, and you are deservedly successful because of your talents, and you’re a woman who takes up space, and that’s the only reason they treat you like this.
It’s a reason, but it’s not an excuse. It is wrong of them to do this, and it’s not fair, and you should not be having to deal with any of it. You’re way too fucking busy (and, as Dorothy Parker put it, vice versa).
More power to your pen.
I will say that getting to go through it with Aham and Roya made this shitstorm a breeze!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I’m boring and I don’t have a question, I just wanted to thank you for sharing and say that I’m glad you’re happy! I love Butt News (well I love everything you write) and am happy to see it in my inbox on whatever kind of schedule suits you. Also Barry content is always appreciated! (I know, that’s IG, but whatever.)
I have no questions but I just wanted to say you are the best of the best, Lindy West. Fuck the haters.
Hi, I'm curious about how you fell in love with Roya - what I mean is, what if you had met her and just didn't hit it off at all? Falling in love (for me) is so rare, what are the odds of you and your husband both falling for the same person? Had you been in love with women before? Had you and Aham discussed what might happen in that case? Keep the marriage open and just not enter a three-way relationship, or would it have increased pressure on things? Wow I wrote a lot of questions - but the interview was extremely thought provoking. And I hope that I don't come across as judgemental - I think you're really brave for being so open about this and am just genuinely curious.
GREAT QUESTION IT FELT LIKE A MIRACLE AND STILL DOES! But I will say that I always liked Roya, just from the way Aham talked about her and in our text and phone conversations prior to meeting, and as soon as we met it just felt easy and right. We had a lot of mutual respect for each other already. If we hadn't felt a romantic connection, we still would have been instant friends, and the relationship structure would have been a "V" instead of a triangle. I don't know how that would have played out longterm, but we would have figured it out!
I'm in a V, and my metamour and I are very good friends, but only friends. Sometimes it works out romantically for people, sometimes people just like hanging out.
Obviously I'm not Lindy but I think love isn't always like getting struck by lightning--sometimes it grows over time or sneaks up on you. So it doesn't always have to be like "whoa what a coincidence!" but rather "wait I thought we were friends and then BFFs and now maybe I wanna kiss you whoa" (source: friends-to-lovers trope in lesbian romantic fiction) ;)
Pre-Roya and early Aham, how did you get comfortable with an open relationship? What was that process like?
I actually really avoided talking about it until Aham forced the issue! I was never opposed to nonmonogamy conceptually--the idea always made sense to me--but it was scary in practice, almost impossible with the self-esteem issues I was battling. By far the most important step in this process (for me) was me working really really hard with my therapist to overcome my insecurities and recover my sense of self. I had to get the point where I DIDN'T feel like I would die without this relationship in order to figure out what I actually wanted. Which turned out to be this!
No questions, but you are so goddamn funny and smart, your writing literally NEVER fails to make me lol, and more importantly, think about things in new ways. As a very white, hetero gen-x woman in a very traditional/monogamous marriage, when I first watched the video I was thinking hmmm, seems weird. I followed your IG stories and posts for a few days while all the madness was happening and you had such grace and humor, such love and passion, it was amazing. I’ve always believed consenting adults can do whatever makes them happy, and your willingness, along with your partners, to talk about your relationship was so generous and really brave, I’m just in awe. You all made me think more deeply about my notions of monogamy, the fact that it’s the default, and how it’s all tied up with sexism, misogyny, patriarchy, racism, capitalism, and how we are conditioned to recoil from anything outside the “norm.” And who does that serve?? Anyway, thank you all for sharing your lives with the rabid masses. xoxo
Thank you for enduring 4 hours!!!!! of sitting on a wooden stool (the worst) to be vulnerable with us <3
Seriously fuck those stools
Lindy! My all time hero. I know there doesn’t have to be “rules”, but is Roya also able to have other partners? Especially considering she lives elsewhere (would you all ever consider living together?). Additionally, are you able to have a partner outside of Aham/Roya? Or is this a committed throuple vibe? What do I know! You’re amazing. I hope you are happy as a clam! ✨💖
Everyone is autonomous and can do what makes them happy as long as it is safe and respectful to everyone else! That said, we're really settling in as a closed triad for now. We would definitely consider living together!
Also I absolutely got too excited at your reply!!! Even tho I posted a question! From your newsletter! In your AMA! “Omg Lindy replied to me?!??”.
Thank you for sharing!!!!! 💖🥺
No question, just major appreciation and respect for all three of you. Coming out is hard enough when the entire internet doesn't already feel entitled to opine on every aspect of your life. Also-- congratulations! It's exciting and wonderful to live your most authentic life and let that happiness and contentment ooze into everything you do and are. ♡
Hi! Are women more thoughtful in relationships? Is it so awesome to be with a woman? I always suspected YES but I’m straight. Is it a relief to be with someone socialized to think of others’ feelings? No shade to your husband lol.
YES WOMEN ARE BETTER
I was right!
As a poly person who is usually pretty quiet about it simply because people like the turkeys in your YouTube comments are EVERYWHERE, I just wanna say thanks for doing that interview! So refreshing to see, and I know I am far from the only one who was super happy to see such a positive, open, thoughtful discussion on the poly life. I hope everyone weirdly obsessed with dissecting "body language" in those comments steps on a Lego soon lol.
I use “turkeys” to refer to jerks too! Never heard anyone else do this. 👊
Like many other people, I don’t have a question, just endless, endless praise. You are so fucking cool and funny and brilliant and beautiful????????? And your partners are so very lucky that they get to love you.
Your tattoo is glorious.
By Shannon Perry!