Gosh was this recap delightful! I think I assumed I didn’t understand the plot the whole time, but now I see that I did…this WAS all actually about stolen DVD players! 😂 Clearly this movie (to me) is an ode to male friendship in the early 2000s when men had to mess with cars or guns or machinery to show each other they care. Aww! 🚗 THEY MADE NINE OF THESE?!?!? I hope one of them introduces cars vs boats!
I was dragged to this movie while in college, and, like most action movies, I immediately blanked it from my memory banks forever until just this moment when reading your review/interpretation. The fact that you described it vividly enough that I can actually remember it and how I cringed through half the movie either speaks to your superior descriptive writing skills or to the utter simplicity of the plot line (perhaps both).
I suspect the stolen DVD player plot line was part of a larger conspiracy by the Hollywood studios of the time to get the youths to stop illegally downloading movies since the entire movie reminds me of those super intense "stop stealing our movies" trailers that they'd tack onto the beginning of DVDs circa 2001 - 2007.
I’m sorry if a thousand people have already made this comment, but dropping the second screen shot of The Racer’s Edge’s POS system is the funniest thing anyone ever wrote, and it wasn’t even words! I love you very much.
This is my first time watching this movie, and it was so terrible, please please please let's watch and recap the second. I understand we all may need a break, but. This was godawful and I don't want it to be over.
"It’s like they made the skits from wrestling into an entire movie. It’s like they looked at a sticker of Calvin peeing on something and thought, “there’s a movie here.” We forced a bot to read 10,000 pages of other scripts written by bots, plus one car manual and a speech by the My Pillow Guy, and this is what it came up with!"
I have seen ALL of these movies. I even saw #1 in the theater back in '01! There is a brief moment - 5, 6, and 7 - where they are so fun and good, but the most recent one was absolutely over-the-top insane. They just get wilder and wilder. I laughed so hard at this review, Lindy, especially the line about "the mother lode."
I have NEVER laughed this hard at a newsletter on the internet, nor did I realize I was desperately awaiting the opportunity to do so, but I was and I did. I am so delighted this is in my life now.
Thank you so much for this extremely thorough review - I had been feeling like maybe I was missing something having never watched these movies but now I feel like I have watched it! And probably laughed way harder than if I actually had watched it! Listening to The Witches audio book right now - you need a podcast for movie reviews <3
Fast Five is a legit fun heist movie, like, if Ocean’s Eleven all wore muscle tees. And it’s also very SILLY. Lots of fun. It’s such a shame the franchise starts with a movie with so much CAR content. Cars are boring! PS the world is so lucky to have new regular Lindy West content!! Thank you!!
In the early 2000s I worked at a movie theater in Thousand Oaks, CA, this was around the same time Hulk Hogan and fam had a reality tv show and they lived somewhere around there, near the Kardashians maybe. Anyway, I worked concessions the summer 2Fast 2Furious came out. That summer, Hulk Hogan himself came to see 2Fast 2Furious at least eight times. A few times he brought his daughter, or son, but many times he came by himself. To watch this cinematic masterpiece. Hulk Hogan is REALLY LARGE in real life, like, can palm a Large Popcorn, giant.
You are right, the plot and dialogue are probably taken directly from WWF, because that dude definitely ate that shit UP!!!!
Gosh was this recap delightful! I think I assumed I didn’t understand the plot the whole time, but now I see that I did…this WAS all actually about stolen DVD players! 😂 Clearly this movie (to me) is an ode to male friendship in the early 2000s when men had to mess with cars or guns or machinery to show each other they care. Aww! 🚗 THEY MADE NINE OF THESE?!?!? I hope one of them introduces cars vs boats!
I was dragged to this movie while in college, and, like most action movies, I immediately blanked it from my memory banks forever until just this moment when reading your review/interpretation. The fact that you described it vividly enough that I can actually remember it and how I cringed through half the movie either speaks to your superior descriptive writing skills or to the utter simplicity of the plot line (perhaps both).
I suspect the stolen DVD player plot line was part of a larger conspiracy by the Hollywood studios of the time to get the youths to stop illegally downloading movies since the entire movie reminds me of those super intense "stop stealing our movies" trailers that they'd tack onto the beginning of DVDs circa 2001 - 2007.
I’m sorry if a thousand people have already made this comment, but dropping the second screen shot of The Racer’s Edge’s POS system is the funniest thing anyone ever wrote, and it wasn’t even words! I love you very much.
This made my whole week. I laughed until I cried and then had to stop because I couldn’t read through my tears. I needed this. You are a gem, Lindy!
I honestly can’t think of a better nickname for Vin Diesel than VD. Thank you for this.
This is my first time watching this movie, and it was so terrible, please please please let's watch and recap the second. I understand we all may need a break, but. This was godawful and I don't want it to be over.
"It’s like they made the skits from wrestling into an entire movie. It’s like they looked at a sticker of Calvin peeing on something and thought, “there’s a movie here.” We forced a bot to read 10,000 pages of other scripts written by bots, plus one car manual and a speech by the My Pillow Guy, and this is what it came up with!"
My god I love you, Lindy.
I had to stop and laugh really hard at “Oh, I bought Black Beauty some bigger hooves!”
And then had to stop again and laugh before I could continue reading. Lindy West, I love you.
Ahahahaha!! I remember being extremely confused by this movie in 2001 but figured I’d just smoked too much 😜
I have seen ALL of these movies. I even saw #1 in the theater back in '01! There is a brief moment - 5, 6, and 7 - where they are so fun and good, but the most recent one was absolutely over-the-top insane. They just get wilder and wilder. I laughed so hard at this review, Lindy, especially the line about "the mother lode."
I have NEVER laughed this hard at a newsletter on the internet, nor did I realize I was desperately awaiting the opportunity to do so, but I was and I did. I am so delighted this is in my life now.
I slept through this film a few years ago, but that business about the TV/VCRs is some wild shit, yo.
It gets SO GOOD by the fifth movie 🙇♂️
Thank you so much for this extremely thorough review - I had been feeling like maybe I was missing something having never watched these movies but now I feel like I have watched it! And probably laughed way harder than if I actually had watched it! Listening to The Witches audio book right now - you need a podcast for movie reviews <3
Fast Five is a legit fun heist movie, like, if Ocean’s Eleven all wore muscle tees. And it’s also very SILLY. Lots of fun. It’s such a shame the franchise starts with a movie with so much CAR content. Cars are boring! PS the world is so lucky to have new regular Lindy West content!! Thank you!!
In the early 2000s I worked at a movie theater in Thousand Oaks, CA, this was around the same time Hulk Hogan and fam had a reality tv show and they lived somewhere around there, near the Kardashians maybe. Anyway, I worked concessions the summer 2Fast 2Furious came out. That summer, Hulk Hogan himself came to see 2Fast 2Furious at least eight times. A few times he brought his daughter, or son, but many times he came by himself. To watch this cinematic masterpiece. Hulk Hogan is REALLY LARGE in real life, like, can palm a Large Popcorn, giant.
You are right, the plot and dialogue are probably taken directly from WWF, because that dude definitely ate that shit UP!!!!