I Discovered a New Kind of Cereal and It Shook Me to My Core

It Was NOT Bani Wei

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I saw a box of cereal waiting for the bus. It was all alone.

a. Where you going, buddy?

b. WTF kind of cereal is “Ralston Foods’s Corn Biscuits”? Did I slide through a wormhole into a parallel universe where all the cereal is different and also cereal has to go to work????

c. Should I change Butt News from a movie newsletter into a Sliders newsletter where every week we watch one episode of Sliders? y/n/y/y/y/y/yyyyyyyyy

Speaking of perfect sci-fi, this week’s Butt News Movie Club is… STARGATE.

Look how James Spader drew a little bird friend to sit on his shoulder! Probably because he doesn’t have any real friends because, that’s right, THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS ALLERGIES. I truly did not remember that in the ‘90s we stigmatized allergies so hard, but somehow 2/3 of the movies I’ve chosen for Butt News so far have used allergies as a signifier for a toxic nerd????? That’s so mean! Justice for James Spader and Walter!

Anyway, aside from the fact that it all rests on the premise that Black people couldn’t have built the pyramids unless their bodies were being possessed by an alien from a dying world and I am so sorry about that, Stargate is almost as good as The Fugitive, and that’s a level of praise I generally reserve only for Doritos.

Find out more on Friday!

In conclusion, here’s a picture of my dog. He did not eat anything weird this week! Unless you count a bunch of sticks and pieces of tennis ball and a feather.

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Love,

Lindy