I Stole the Declaration of Independence

Some Gossip About My Podcast

[TLDR: I have a Patreon.]

For a long time my job was simply reacting to things. That’s what you do as an art critic, as an op-ed writer, and, frankly, as a memoirist who feels wronged by the world. Even my autobiographical work has always largely been about what other people have done to me. Publications employed me to process things (of their choice) in view of their readers. I wrote books that reflected people back to themselves. Editors sought me out for a vanishingly narrow stable of topics: being fat, being trolled on the internet, having an abortion. The work was good, I’m proud of it, but I was never strong enough to resist playing to the gallery, at least a little bit.

The past few years have been an exercise in clarifying my priorities. What do I actually want to write about? What are my interests? Who am I? I’ve pretty much stopped doing freelance work for other people. I’ve been writing my next book, Adult Braces, very slowly, giving myself time to discover what it is rather than rushing it out as a product. I created this newsletter, Butt News, my first editorial space that is entirely mine, and I fill it with however many exclamation points I want. And, crucially, you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t express what an impact your support has had on my confidence and my psyche. Maybe the version of me that people expect is not the only version of me that has value. Maybe I can be a person who makes things that are singular and weird instead of a person who responds to other people’s genius.

In 2023 I created a podcast called Text Me Back with my friend Meagan Hatcher-Mays in pursuit of the same freedom and validation I get from Butt News: confirmation that the closer I get to my truest self, the better my work becomes, and audiences will follow. I do not have to stay in my niche to be successful, and anyway, no amount of success could be worth such self-diminishment. We are all more than our niche! And, just like with Butt News, it worked! People DO want to hear me talk about what’s really on my mind, which is snakes, ghosts, whales, Iowa history, ancestry dot com, cream cheese frosting, best friendship, Shaq, archaeology, and The Killer!

We made 20 super funny episodes with KUOW, our hometown NPR affiliate, and they let us do pretty much whatever we wanted, but over time it became clear to both Meagan and me that “pretty much” wasn’t enough. We adored our producers and it was dreamy to have a pro team behind us, but as I began to understand how the podcast sausage is made, I found that I am a control freak who wants my hands on every second of the edit. I wanted to make micro-adjustments to our intakes of breath. I wanted to leave in funny mistakes and moments of screaming chaos. I wanted to make something weirder and more personal than you can get away with inside of an old-media apparatus. Making art via bureaucracy is always playing to the gallery, even in the best of cases. I don’t do that anymore, as a matter of survival. (And we truly had the best of cases! We love you, KUOW!)

So we were ready to leave before KUOW told us two weeks ago that they no longer had the budget to fund us. It was, honestly, the boot out of the nest that we needed. Our KUOW contract was generous—we own all the music, the art, and the previous IP. We are ready to spread our little wings. I taught myself to edit audio in one day and Meagan set up something called a “Discord.” We transferred the RSS feed, people! What is this—the elite businesswomen’s technological business club!?

HERE’S WHERE YOU COME IN.

Now that we have stolen the Declaration of Independence, Meagan and I are no longer paid any money to make the show. In fact, we’re paying out of pocket for our recording software, our editing software, the software that uploads the podcast on to the thingy (#WomenInSTEM), our angelic video producer Diana Bowen, and anything else we might need or want in the future: a YouTube strategy guy, a social media girl, a marketing woman, ad buys, a professional editor, a professional mixer, travel funds for live shows, compensation for our own time (lol), ETCETERA. Eventually we will need all of those things because our marketing team (Meagan), our editor (Lindy), and our mixer (my husband) all have too many other jobs to do this seven days a week forever!

That’s why we have launched a Patreon.

If you love Text Me Back and want it to continue, the very best thing you can do is subscribe to our Patreon, then post on social media to let your friends know you support us and why!

We have three tiers:

Kayak Dad - $3/month

Big & Hairy - $5/month

Pig DNA - $8/month

You can read about all the various rewards of each tier HERE.

Listening to the regular podcast episodes WILL REMAIN FREE AND WILL ALWAYS BE FREE on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and all the regular places. But if you want access to things like bonus episodes, bloopers, live chats, the TMB Discord, the TMB musical score by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo, merch discounts, posters, AND EVEN MORE STUFF THAN THAT, you should subscribe!

It is truly the only way we will be able to continue making the podcast. And the podcast is really good!

I also want to acknowledge the awkward fact that I am asking you to sign up for a subscription service to support my work on a subscription service to support my work. That’s annoying! I get it! I hate this modern age! Remember when you could just get “cable” and receive a variety of channels, or subscribe to “the newspaper” and receive the work of a variety of writers with a variety of perspectives? Capitalism killed that ON PURPOSE and turned all of us into drowning gig-economy freelancers and it’s truly a nightmare for individuals and the collective and the flow of information itself. But, alas, here we are.

To that end, we are adding A BONUS INCENTIVE to the $8 tier of our Patreon! Anyone who subscribes to the Text Me Back Patreon at $8 a month (Pig DNA) will receive a full-access Butt News subscription as well. That way, you only have to subscribe to me once! If you are already a paid Butt News subscriber but you want to support Text Me Back too, just cancel your subscription over here, subscribe at the $8 level to our Patreon, and I will personally send you a gift subscription to Butt News. Make sense? I think that’s the cleanest way to do it! Feel free to tell me I’m wrong in the comments!

(If you are already a paid Butt News subscriber and you AREN’T interested in Text Me Back, you don’t need to do anything! Just stay here! Nothing is changing! Except that my goal is to DOUBLE the frequency of Butt Newses and Butt News Movie Club Movie Buttcasts in 2024, so hold on to your butts for that!)

The work I’ve created these past couple years—Text Me Back, Butt News, Adult Braces, Every Castle, Ranked—is the best I’ve ever done, and I never would have found this path without your support. I want to keep making things for you, making you laugh, and stealing the President’s Book of Secrets. Thank you so much for showing me what’s possible.

Love,

Lindy