I Wrote About The Whale for The Guardian

Also You Can Read the Whale Butt News for Free Now!

I stole this from Wikipedia

Did not plan on writing about The Whale ONCE, let alone TWONCE, but here we are! I had a lot to say! My essay on The Whale for the Guardian is now live. Here’s a sample:

I changed my mind about watching The Whale when another friend (a thin one, so you can take him seriously!) texted me, fresh out of a pre-release screening, that it was one of the worst, stupidest movies he’d seen in years. Well, now I was intrigued! The hype around The Whale – in particular Brendan Fraser’s Oscar-nominated performance – had been so self-serious, so high-minded, I’d assumed it was a well-made art film whose creators just happened to have chosen a subject matter they likely weren’t equipped to handle. But to find out it was simply bad? The thought of gilded Academy voters weeping over a video of Fraser in a fat suit choking on a meatball sub gave me a strange pleasure. The joke, suddenly, was on them. Delicious as a Cheeto sandwich sprayed with ranch dressing, a meal that The Whale’s protagonist eats while crying. Standing ovation! LOL. You idiots.

And this means also that I’ve un-paywalled my Butt News on The Whale, if you want to read something way meaner and longer with more swearing! Contrasting sample:

Ellie does exposition, telling Charlie about how he walked out on them when she was eight so he could fuck one of his students. Yeah, HE KNOWS! She says she’ll keep hanging out with him if he does her homework for her. He says SURE and that he will also throw in one hundred and twenty thousand doll-hairs (WHAT!!!!!!) and she does not think that’s weird at all. Charlie explains that it’s his life savings and that he doesn’t need it because “I only spend money on food.” Kill me. I, too, refuse care.

You can read that whole thing for free HERE.

Third point: We added a second date for my live show “Every Castle, Ranked” at the Neptune Theater in Seattle! If you didn’t get a ticket for April 6, there are still plenty available for April 13!

[Note: If you are a fat person with questions about seating at the Neptune, here’s all the info I have: The balcony is all fixed theater seats that are most likely on the narrow side. The main floor seats are individual chairs but I’m told they’re packed in pretty tight without much room to move. Third option is standing room in the bar area. The theater says that if you’re a larger fat person who’s concerned about finding a seat where you can be comfortable, your best bet is to reserve one of the ADA accessible seats!]

I hope you’ll read both my Guardian piece and my Butt News and share if you’re so inclined, except please DON’T read them if you find all this upsetting! You don’t need that! Go live your beautiful life! To the rest of you, thanks for coming with me on this terrible undersea journey. I love you!

Lindy