Discover more from Butt News
Cool, There's Something Expensive Wrong with My Dog Again
Wow, I Love Him and I Love This and I Love Being Alive
[Butt News is a free e-mail newsletter about movies and butts! You can receive Butt News in your inbox weekly by subscribing now. If you like it, please tell your friends! And if you have suggestions for future movies, put them in the comments HERE!]
We’ve already been through giardiasis, colitis, won’t-stop-humping disease, knocked-over-BOTH-grandmas disease, dog-HPV that got him banned from daycare, chewed-own-tail-raw anxiety boy energy, neuter surgery, AND foxtail seed abscess removal surgery in Barold Saxophone’s short 18 months of life, AND NOW! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My terrible son has manifested a new disease that I didn’t even know was possible. This little baby has JUVENILE DOG CATARACTS1 IN BOTH EYES.
On Monday we had to go to the DOG OPHTHALMOLOGIST, which is a job you can have, and one you should definitely go after, because these dog ophthalmologists are booked out literally two months, so there’s some $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ on the table there! It cost $400 in gas just to drive all the way to the dog ophthalmologist, which is in a building that used to be a computer store where my dad bought me King’s Quest VI. It was pouring a disordered amount of rain (donate to Whatcom County Flood Relief!), so instead of waiting peacefully in the car, my angel dragged me back and forth through the downpour and then took a magnum dump on the sidewalk in front of the clinic. If you’re the lady who was parked next to me, sorry I violently banged my door into your car when Barry rocketed out of the backseat on his shit quest!
Barry and me chit-chatting outside the dog ophthalmologist:
Anyways, this boy has 40% vision loss in one eye and 10% vision loss in the other, because he is basically a Habsburg. The doctor2 wants to monitor him for a few months and see if it gets worse and then do cataract surgery on the worse eye. The surgery costs 1 car and has a 90% chance of success, 10% chance of total vision loss. Very cool3!!!!!!
It’s fine, we’ll do it, obviously, but BARRYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYEEEEEE. The worst side effect of all is that now Barry refuses to get into the car because I betrayed his trust on Monday by driving him to the evil eyeball man. Barry remembers!
And that’s the scuttlebutt on old Lindo this week!
Keep your eyes peeled for my review of The Mask, dropping on Friday—by far the most unwatchable film I have screened for Butt News. Physically painful. I owe National Treasure an apology.
Barry next week probably:
Also, keep booking me on Cameo! And if I let your request expire, book it again! Sorry! I am a procrastinator and a mess! I will get better at this! (Also, if you care, I get more of the money if you book on the browser instead of the app!)
Okay, I love you! Bye!
sorry, but dogaracts